The Road to Independence

It's a long and winding road....."Beatles"

I have a secret.  Everyone thinks that I'm such a great parent raising my daughter with cerebral palsy to be as independent as possible.  Well, in this case, great parent means selfish.  There are a lot of selfish reasons that I want Kay to be independent.  I want the child-free life that my friends with typical kids (kids who can feed, toilet and dress themselves) are experiencing in their 50's.  I want an empty nest and time to have that second career or travel and rediscover my relationship with my husband.  There I said it and I'm glad!  There is another song out there with the line, "when is it my time to decide?"  

So, who exactly is on that road to independence?  Kay or me?  

What to Say....And Not Say

Someone asked me today about what to say to a friend whose child was born with a disability. I told her not to say any cliches. I remember how painful it was to hear, "These things happen for a reason," or "Only special parents are given special children, " or my favorite, "You only get what you can handle." I was oh so not handling things that it made me want to scream. I told her that I liked when someone would tell me how outrageously long and full her hair was (Kay got her first haircut at about 6 weeks old.) or how long her fingers were....."normal" stuff. As a parent with a child with a disability, I have the ability and credibility to tell other mothers in this situation, "It's going to be OK." You wouldn't believe the relief you feel when someone tells you that. More than anything, just listen. People process trauma by talking about it and a sympathetic listener is the best friend.